So, I was recently asked to please write a small piece about my discovery of the Lilvio safety razor and my quick & inevitable fall from grace to the smooth, but addicted Illuminite I am today.
Here is my story.
At first, I took to this task with the usual calm and perseverance I am well known for….
"...You want me to WHAT!"
After it was explained that I was just testing, 'seeing how I go'...and I didn't have to shave any body part with the razor I didn't want to.. I used a Mandi sized spatula to remove myself from the ceiling.
Now, I'm listening.
Out came a box with all different coloured bases and razor heads. 'OOH!' I thought, 'There'
s a pink one, and a purple one, and a gold one… this may not be too bad!'
..Then came the razor blades.
I had sudden horrible visions of slipping while shaving my armpits, somehow severing an artery, and bleeding to death covered in blood and embarrassment in the shower.
"What on earth do I do with that? I'll slip and lose a limb!"
It was quickly shown to me how easy it is to place and replace the razor within the head.
Undoubtedly the speed in which I was shown was mainly to stave off hysterics, but I digress.
I admit, while it looked easy I was not completely convinced that after making a concerted attempt to try this thing out, the motto of my household wouldn't inevitably come true.
'There appears to have been a struggle…'
But I wouldn't be an Illuminite if I didn't have some moxy!
"Okay, leave the pink one. But If there is any misadventure I expect a state funeral!"
That night I poured myself a red wine to give myself some dutch courage, realised that you can't operate heavy machinery while drunk, and poured it down the sink before starting the shower.
Luckily the pink safety razor was already fully "loaded" with a brand new Razorhead, so no delays, lets test this baby out.
I set my water temperature to Summer on Planet Venus and stepped in...
Now, I'd been advised that the safety razor works best when using proper shaving cream, but decided to make do with soap this time. I was NOT going to shave any nether-regions this time around, so I lathered my left shin and slowly bent down.
Crap, left the razor on the sink.
Got out, picked up the razor (which I must say, has a comforting weight to it) and got back in, shivering a bit.
Let's try again. Lathered up my left shin and slowly bent down, this time holding the safety razor out and away like a loaded gun. I brought the razor to my ankle, held it at the angle I was shown, and swept up, gently.
Huh, I'm not dead.
I ran my finger along the line in the lather I'd just made.
Huh, no hair!
I decided to keep going, finishing the whole left leg before swapping and going on to my right leg. The hair didn't clog, it all rinsed away quickly, and as I went I kept checking my work...
Smooth as a baby's behind!
'Hey, this is pretty easy!', I thought. 'I'm gonna try my armpits!'
I stood up and lathered up my under-arms. As I did, I realised there are a lot more curves in this area, and the safety razor doesn't bend like a certain razor-named-after-aforementioned-planet does.
This could be a bit tricky. The area has dips and mounds and the hair can grow in different directions, requiring some skill I felt just shaving my legs hadn't given me as yet.
'Well, In for a penny' I said to myself.
I gently ran the safety razor over my underarm….
And nearly died of fright when I heard the fizzy, sparkly-wet sound the razor made when it cut through the small hairs under there!
What was that!?
I stopped, gathered my resolve, and swiped again.. much more gently than I would if I came across a hottie on a Dating App.
The sound was the same though not as jarring as I was expecting this time. I mustn't have heard it shaving my legs, apparently too far away.. Ha! That's a first… I'm 5'2, for those playing the home game.
I took my finger and gently touched the newly shaved underarm. Bam! The hair was gone!
This made me smile. This little pink cutie was pretty good.
I finished off my underarms, paused..
And glanced down.
Hmm. Not tonight. I know my limits with luck. I'd probably provide myself with some cheap plastic surgery should I try to shave.. that.
A few more successes elsewhere first, I decided.
So, that is the story of how I conquered the Lilvio Safety Razor! So easy! So cute! 5 stars would recommend! Glides over your skin with ease, and leaves your skin soft and smooth afterwards. What? I was pessimistic before? Ha! I knew it would be wonderfully successful from the outset!......
Now, you're probably thinking, how did she go down unda?
Well now,
Wouldn't you like to know ;)